Shipping Wars
by Bvv31389
Summary: Written for the LJ P4 kink meme. The IT learns that Inaba's shippers are serious and terrifying. Rated for Kanji's potty mouth.


**A/N** : Written for the LJ P4 kink meme. Prompt :

There are so many possible romances in the Investigation Team. However the Investigation Team are quite... afraid of the large mobs fighting over who they think should love who.

Because Shipping is serious business.

* * *

Chie left the school bathroom and headed for the roof. She hadn't done something with Souji in a while, so she'd planned on waiting a little to see if he showed up, and if he didn't she'd go see if Yukiko was free for a study session at her place.

She started going up the stairs and stopped when she heard familiar voices coming down. "I'm telling you, man, she's totally into him." Daisuke? Since when was Daisuke interested in anyone's love life?

"No she's not!" And Kou. Well at least this was a bit less mind-boggling, but he sounded kind of too intense to be gossiping. "We don't know if Chie-san likes anyone! She hasn't shown any signs of it!" _What? No way. Are they really discussing __**my**__ love life?_ "And besides, Souji totally has the hots for Rise-san. Have you seen the way he pushed himself harder when she was walking past the soccer field during practice? And that wave she sent him? I'm willing to bet they're together."

The two boys finally caught sight of Chie staring at them in horror and stopped short. Kou blushed and started stammering. "C-Chie-san! Um, how long have you been here?"

"Ihaven'theardanything!" _Smooth, Chie._ "Um, hey, you know what, my dog's been kind of sick lately and I really should go home and take care of him. IguessI'llseeyoutomorrowbye!"

She sprinted down the stairs and out the door, dread in her stomach. _What was __**that**__ about?_

_

* * *

_Kanji slammed the door to the kitchen open and stalked in. He'd run into Chie-senpai into the shopping district and they'd gone to have a beef bowl at Aiya, but then Naoki had seen them leave the restaurant together and the knowing gleam in the other boy's eyes had pissed Kanji off.

His mother sat at the kitchen table, going over some bills or other, and looked up as he stomped to the fridge for a drink.

"Kanji-chan, would you stop treating the doors like this? One day you'll break them all down." Kanji's only answer was a wordless grunt and she sighed. "Oh, it's a good thing you're friends with that charming Amagi girl again. She'll soften your edges."

Kanji stopped on his way out of the kitchen, soda in hand. "Ma? Why would Yukiko-senpai soften my – why would she change me?"

His mother gave him a knowing grin. "Special young women tend to have that effect on young men."

Something about the way she said "special" felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on Kanji. _Ma wouldn't buy into that shit the town's been swept in. She wouldn't._

"She ain't special, Ma!" He all but yelled before running to his room, ignoring his mother's scolding.

* * *

Rise looked up as someone entered Marukyu Tofu. She smiled as she saw a familiar detective walk in. "Hello, Adachi-san! How may I help you today?"

Adachi returned her grin. "Hi, Rise-chan! I'd like to get some ganmodoki, please. I heard yours was really good!"

"Aw, thank you! Ganmodoki, coming up!" As Rise set to work wrapping Adachi's order, he leaned on the counter and looked at her innocently.

"So, Rise-chan... I've heard from Dojima-san that you hang out with his nephew. Are you two... _good_ friends?"

Rise's movements paused for half a second before she caught herself. _Not this again._ "Um, yeah, we're good friends. Everyone in our group of friends is pretty close, Adachi-san. Friends. That's what we are."

"Oops, I'm sorry, did that sound like I meant something more than friends? I didn't, I swear! I'm just happy that Dojima-san's nephew has such good friends!" Something in his smile changed and Rise felt a chill go down her spine. "Besides, a girl like you would probably prefer a _real_ man, right?"

She felt cold all over. "W-What? Adachi-san, what are you trying to say?"

His smile returned to his usual cheerful grin. "Nothing! I was just making a joke. So how's that ganmodoki?"

"Oh, right!" She handed him his wrapped tofu and tried a smile. She wasn't sure she managed it. "Have a good day!"

"You too, Rise-chan!" He waved as he left and Rise stared after him, feeling inexplicably freaked out.

She rubbed her arms. Maybe she should ask Kanji to walk home with her and Naoto after school.

* * *

Naoto slipped her homework into her bag and double checked to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. She started heading for the door, but found her way blocked by two of her classmates.

"Hello, Naoto-kun!" chirped the girl on the left. "How are you today?"

"Um, very well, thank you. And yourself?" Naoto answered, confused at the sudden friendliness.

"Oh, we're both doing great, thanks!" enthused the boy on the right. "Actually, we had something we needed to ask you, if you don't mind, Naoto-kun."

Suspicions arose in Naoto's mind. "Of course. Go ahead."

"It's about you and Rise-chan." Suspicions turned into exasperation. _Stay polite, Naoto. You don't know if it's really about what you think._

"Yes? What is it?" Naoto struggled to keep her voice and face blank.

"Well, we've been noticing how you two walk home almost every day after school. We were just wondering if-"

"If we're friends? Of course we are. You should have figured it out from our interactions with each other. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go home. I have work waiting for me." Barely managing to keep from snapping at them, Naoto pushed past the two students and headed for her shoe locker. As she left the classroom, she could hear them giggling and whispering.

_This is getting to be ridiculous.

* * *

_

Souji slipped into the Dojima's house and sighed with relief. He'd dropped by Junes to see if Yosuke could hang out after work, but after noticing all the whispering and not-so-subtle looks thrown at him by the Junes patrons, he decided to revisit his plans for the day. _This madness has to end. Soon._

"Welcome home, Big Bro!" Nanako beamed as she ran up to Souji, greeting him in her usual fashion. He felt an answering smile on his face, glad to see someone who wouldn't force him into admitting his undying love for one of his friends.

"Hey, Nanako-chan. Anything happened while I was gone?"

"Chie and Yukiko came by to see if you were here. They wanted to talk about something, but they didn't tell me what." Nanako trotted after Souji, who had opened the fridge and was looking for something to eat. "... Hey, Big Bro?"

"Yeah?" _Is this supposed to be green? ...Should I eat it anyway?_

"Yukiko is really pretty, isn't she?" Nanako asked, innocence personified.

Souji grinned. "So are you, Nanako." _I think there's spinach in it. Spinach is green, so it's probably not mold._

Nanaok giggled and blushed. "She's really nice, too. Kinda like a big sister."

Souji froze, hand on the mystery food. _No. Nononononono. Not her. Not Nanako, too._ "You think so?"

"Yeah. I really like her!" Nanako's eyes were wide and shining. She'd turned up the cuteness to eleven. This wasn't good.

"Well, so do I. She's my friend, and friends like each other. As friends. I like all of my other friends, too! They're all much liked. By me. And each other. In a friendly way." _Babbling. Get out of here, now._ "Hey you know what? I forgot I had some homework to do, so I should probably go do it now. See you later!" Souji bolted up the stairs, food container in hand.

_This was too close.

* * *

_

Yosuke peered around the corner.

"All right, looks like no one's here." he told his friends, and they left the school at a brisk pace, heading towards the Dojima household. Kanji and Naoto were walking on either side of Rise, Chie was nervously clutching Yukiko's arm and Souji brought up the rear. Everyone was on edge, constantly scanning their surroundings, expecting a crowd to suddenly appear from behind a tree and demand to know the truth about their relationships with each other.

_This kind of harassment has to be illegal somehow._ Naoto thought after the group was collectively startled by a cat jumping out of some bushes. _I'll have to talk to Dojima-san about it. This can't go on._

They turned into the street leading to the Dojima's and stopped short. The entire city seemed to be gathered in front of Souji's house, waiting for them to get there. For a moment, no one moved. Then a voice that sounded supiciously like Kashiwagi's yelled "Tatsumi! Are you going out with Hanamura?" and chaos broke out.

The Investigation Team turned tail and ran, heading towards the Flood Plains as fast as they would go. The crowd ran after them, shouting questions and claims that "Chie and Kanji's love is so pure!" or "Rise-chan loves you, Yosuke-senpai! She _loves_ you!". Naoto turned to grab Rise's hand and urge her to go faster and saw that some of them were carrying signs bearing things like "Amagi X Hanamura 4EVA".

As they reached the Samegawa River, Kanji suddenly skidded to an halt, causing Yosuke to run into him. He stumbled back, clutching his nose, and muttered "what the hell, dude?" but Kanji ignored him.

"All right, that's enough!" he yelled, pointing at the crowd that had stopped a few feet way. "Fuck this shit!"

Turning to Yosuke, he shoved him hard enough to make him stumble into Souji's arms, then walked over to Chie, grabbed her arms and wrapped them around Yukiko in an awkward hug. He then took two determined strides in Naoto and Rise's direction, put his arm around Naoto's shoulders and crushed her to his side, and leaned down to kiss Rise.

He straightened up and turned to the watching crowd. "Happy now, you sick bastards!"

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the crowd exchanged looks with each other, and with a collective shrug started scattering, hands exchanging betting money or dejectedly ripping signs. After the last gleeful "I told you so!" had faded in the distance, Kanji awkwardly turned to his teammates.

Yosuke jumped as far from Souji as he could, a "dude, I'm not like that!" look on his face. Souji scratched the back of his neck. Yukiko studiously avoided meeting anyone's eyes, Chie's arms still around her. Chie was blushing hard enough to permanently damage all of the blood vessels on her face. Naoto blinked, stunned, and Rise unsuccesfully tried to stifle a giggle.

Kanji shuffled his feet. "Sooooo... who's up for topsicles?"


End file.
